Insomnia again.

Seems I've caught the insomnia bug again. It's 3am right now, and I'm still up. Spent the night playing Spore and Counter-Strike to pass the time. I think all this excess wakefulness is due to the fact that I have nothing to do.

I seem to have a messed up sleep clock, so I naturally stay awake for a long period of time and sleep for a long period of time, screwing up my schedule.

I need to get out of this damn town, this shitty one horse hick town. There's no one here, no one worthy enough of my time (as arrogant as that sounds). Professor of Philosophy Louis Mackey put it well.

"the gap between say Plato or Nietzsche and the average human is greater than the gap between that chimpanzee and the average human. The realm of the real spirit, the true artist, the saint, the philosopher, is rarely achieved. Why so few? Why is world history and evolution not stories of progress but rather this endless and futile addition of zeroes? No greater values have developed. Hell, the Greeks years ago were just as advanced as we are. So what are these barriers that keep people from reaching anywhere near their real potential? The answer to that can be found in another question, and that's this:

Which is the most universal human characteristic--
fear or laziness?"

I find myself in the zero category, yet I do not see any sort of road to a 'greater value'. How can one reach their full potential without truly knowing what that potential is? If it'll put my mind at ease, at least I'm ahead of the pack, at least I know that I am nothing, with the potential to be greater. These next few years I will have to discover that.

I am plagued with being a jack of all trades, I am -very- good at a lot of things, but nothing that can be combined to form a sort of 'career'. I sometimes wish I were dumber than I am because maybe the answers would come easier, if that makes any sense. I spend too much time self-analyzing, doing things cautiously. I think my greatest fear is doing something well, but missing out on my true purpose and potential.

In fact, I should stop being cautious altogether, because so far it's gotten me nowhere. I've missed so many opportunities and ruined so many scenarios. I should be careful not to be impulsive, if my mother is any clue. My dad is all theory and no action, while my mother is all action and no theory.

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The cat showed up again tonight. It's looking a little better, it isn't gagging and sneezing every 5 seconds. It rubbed against my leg and purred very loudly for about 5 minutes. I dare not touch it though.

I need to find some gloves for this costume, perhaps a bandoleer to finish it off.