Seems I've caught the insomnia bug again. It's 3am right now, and I'm still up. Spent the night playing Spore and Counter-Strike to pass the time. I think all this excess wakefulness is due to the fact that I have nothing to do.
I seem to have a messed up sleep clock, so I naturally stay awake for a long period of time and sleep for a long period of time, screwing up my schedule.
I need to get out of this damn town, this shitty one horse hick town. There's no one here, no one worthy enough of my time (as arrogant as that sounds). Professor of Philosophy Louis Mackey put it well.
"the gap between say Plato or Nietzsche and the average human is greater than the gap between that chimpanzee and the average human. The realm of the real spirit, the true artist, the saint, the philosopher, is rarely achieved. Why so few? Why is world history and evolution not stories of progress but rather this endless and futile addition of zeroes? No greater values have developed. Hell, the Greeks years ago were just as advanced as we are. So what are these barriers that keep people from reaching anywhere near their real potential? The answer to that can be found in another question, and that's this:
Which is the most universal human characteristic--
fear or laziness?"
I find myself in the zero category, yet I do not see any sort of road to a 'greater value'. How can one reach their full potential without truly knowing what that potential is? If it'll put my mind at ease, at least I'm ahead of the pack, at least I know that I am nothing, with the potential to be greater. These next few years I will have to discover that.
I am plagued with being a jack of all trades, I am -very- good at a lot of things, but nothing that can be combined to form a sort of 'career'. I sometimes wish I were dumber than I am because maybe the answers would come easier, if that makes any sense. I spend too much time self-analyzing, doing things cautiously. I think my greatest fear is doing something well, but missing out on my true purpose and potential.
In fact, I should stop being cautious altogether, because so far it's gotten me nowhere. I've missed so many opportunities and ruined so many scenarios. I should be careful not to be impulsive, if my mother is any clue. My dad is all theory and no action, while my mother is all action and no theory.
----
The cat showed up again tonight. It's looking a little better, it isn't gagging and sneezing every 5 seconds. It rubbed against my leg and purred very loudly for about 5 minutes. I dare not touch it though.
I need to find some gloves for this costume, perhaps a bandoleer to finish it off.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
So bored.
That cat showed up again. It left a dead quail on my doorstep. I didn't see the cat, but I know it brought the bird. It appears I have a devoted fan.
God, I hate the country. Sure there's people here, but all they want to do is fix cars and go four wheeling. All I've been doing is playing video games and chatting online. I'm getting kind of lonely.
Hopefully, this party that this chick invited me to at the mall will work out. 15 people, should be fun.
Sucks leaving all of your friends behind, but I'll get over it, I've done it before, there's no reason why I can't do it again. No, I'm not making shout outs.
I gotta get a GED, and a drivers license and a job, but it doesn't look like the three of them will happen any time soon. We'll just have to see what happens at this party, I'm wearing a post-apoc soldier costume, so that should be good.
What the hell is Indian Twister anyways?
God, I hate the country. Sure there's people here, but all they want to do is fix cars and go four wheeling. All I've been doing is playing video games and chatting online. I'm getting kind of lonely.
Hopefully, this party that this chick invited me to at the mall will work out. 15 people, should be fun.
Sucks leaving all of your friends behind, but I'll get over it, I've done it before, there's no reason why I can't do it again. No, I'm not making shout outs.
I gotta get a GED, and a drivers license and a job, but it doesn't look like the three of them will happen any time soon. We'll just have to see what happens at this party, I'm wearing a post-apoc soldier costume, so that should be good.
What the hell is Indian Twister anyways?
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Poor Cat
I hate most people, but I've got a soft spot for animals. No, I eat them, I love eating them, but if a cat shows up at my door I'll probably give it some food. I never bring them in the house though.
So it's late, and I've decided to step out and have a smoke before I go to bed, when I notice this cat sleeping on my porch. I go up and pet it until I notice a crust around it's eyes and nose... probably a good idea to stop petting it.
Expecting it to run away, I walk away slowly, but it follows me, meowing in the -saddest- way I've ever heard a cat meow. I quickly open the door and go inside, shutting it behind me in fear of catching whatever disease it had... hey we've all seen movies.
Rather than being heartless though, I bring out a dish of water and set it down at the far end of the porch (insuring it won't come near me). It coughs and sniffles for a moment before going up to the dish and getting a hearty drink, stopping every once in a while to take a few labored breaths. I go back inside and start ripping up pieces of lunch meat to put on a plate before looking up cat diseases online. Okay, so this cat can't give me anything (at least that I know of) so I probably shouldn't be too afraid. The cat's outside right now as I write this.
I keep checking on the animal and it's -still- eating. It's finished the meat plate already and all of the water. I'm now going to refill the water dish and get it more food, geez this cat can eat.
----
Two more dishes and one more bowl of water later the cat's stopped eating. It's white with a gray stripe running down the top of his head, very small... almost too skinny. I wish I could bring it inside, but there's no way my dad or uncle would let that happen (they'd probably laugh at me). I think I'll just leave it to sleep outside. Who knows what will happen later.
I need to find something to do, I'm sick of sitting inside all day playing video games and watching TV. I'm so sick of applying for jobs, no one seems to be hiring. If I get a job, everything will fall into place. I can get my GED, I can get my car running, I can -move- to somewhere other than Benton City (I hate this town), maybe even get to Seattle. I miss the city, there's no one interesting here in this hick town.
I never thought I'd say this, but I miss Michigan.
So it's late, and I've decided to step out and have a smoke before I go to bed, when I notice this cat sleeping on my porch. I go up and pet it until I notice a crust around it's eyes and nose... probably a good idea to stop petting it.
Expecting it to run away, I walk away slowly, but it follows me, meowing in the -saddest- way I've ever heard a cat meow. I quickly open the door and go inside, shutting it behind me in fear of catching whatever disease it had... hey we've all seen movies.
Rather than being heartless though, I bring out a dish of water and set it down at the far end of the porch (insuring it won't come near me). It coughs and sniffles for a moment before going up to the dish and getting a hearty drink, stopping every once in a while to take a few labored breaths. I go back inside and start ripping up pieces of lunch meat to put on a plate before looking up cat diseases online. Okay, so this cat can't give me anything (at least that I know of) so I probably shouldn't be too afraid. The cat's outside right now as I write this.
I keep checking on the animal and it's -still- eating. It's finished the meat plate already and all of the water. I'm now going to refill the water dish and get it more food, geez this cat can eat.
----
Two more dishes and one more bowl of water later the cat's stopped eating. It's white with a gray stripe running down the top of his head, very small... almost too skinny. I wish I could bring it inside, but there's no way my dad or uncle would let that happen (they'd probably laugh at me). I think I'll just leave it to sleep outside. Who knows what will happen later.
I need to find something to do, I'm sick of sitting inside all day playing video games and watching TV. I'm so sick of applying for jobs, no one seems to be hiring. If I get a job, everything will fall into place. I can get my GED, I can get my car running, I can -move- to somewhere other than Benton City (I hate this town), maybe even get to Seattle. I miss the city, there's no one interesting here in this hick town.
I never thought I'd say this, but I miss Michigan.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Time.
Anyone miss the old days of gaming? Where people made fucking -games- and didn't worry about pumping it full of shitty features no one cares about, or making it for a certain demographic? Anyone miss actual stories? Anyone miss -fun-?
I think you do, I think you're with me when I say that games nowadays are lacking the fun element.
My first console was a sega genesis, then I moved on to PC gaming and got consoles on the side. Back then, no one gave a shit. People made games, people took their ideas, and they made them. They didn't worry about pleasing people. Once marketing gets in a medium, it becomes a people pleasing operation. Just like movies are today. So many movies are terrible, it's hard to find good ones. I think I've seen one good movie out of 30 over the past year.
A good game shouldn't be able to be compared to other games. You shouldn't be able to say 'Like GTA, but...' I'm sick of clones, I'm sick of the same old crap being churned out over and over again. I'm sick of games being dumbed down so that people with no patience and mental power can play them (Take oblivion for example. Remember how awesome morrowind was? Remember how cheap oblivion felt? Yeah, that's exactly what I'm talking about)
Spore's a good one. Spore's been in production for forever. It's a rather genius idea really, a game where you play god in a very literal aspect. You start off with a single cell organism, which eventually evolves, over many stages, to a complex, sentient creature which is capable of civilization. Then, you continue to develop the creatures society and planet until it masters space travel. The game just continues to zoom out from there, making it more and more complex, with each level being possible to revisit.
Ofcourse, it would be that awesome, if EA wasn't fucking producing it. Poor Will Wright can't get his idea out exactly as he wants it, because EA's gotta get its greedy fucking paws in it. Spore can't just come out on the PC, it's gotta come out on the Wii, Xbox 360, PS3, Cell Phone, Pocket PC, DS, and Conventional Oven.
That's not to say there aren't good games out there. Every once in a while, someone'll make something that -isn't- hyped to shit (See: Two Worlds, Mass Effect), and -is- worth playing. This usually happens when heaps and mounds of money aren't involved (See: Audio Surf, Shadow of the Colossus, Decimation). I've always like independent or hobbyist developers. I've always had more fun with mods than actual games.
There are only two massive electronic companies I trust, one of which being a game company. Valve, and Google.
Share your views. Are there good games out there that are new? Are we forever going to spiral into crap, and turn into what the movie industry is now? Does your conventional oven have the right specs to play Spore?
------------------------------------------- Personal Shit \/\/\/\/\/
Time seems to be catching up on me, and by catching up, I mean cornering me in an alley and punching me in the gut a few times before taking my walet and maxing out my credit card.
School's coming to a close, and I'm already getting ready to move again. I'll be off to Warren, which is just street after street of strip malls. The town has no culture, nothing exciting. Atleast it's close to every -other- city.
I'm in danger of failing highschool. I've got correspondence courses to do, and I have to take an adult ed class of some sort if I'm to get my highschool diploma. Everyone's slipping by me, opportunities are missed left and right.
Take Erica for example. Beautiful girl, absolutely wonderful to talk to. Creative, goofy, and incredibly kind. I've known her for 3 years, we've always been close, but I've never had the balls to take her. She always ends up with bad, or mediocre boyfriends.. and now I'm moving away and I won't see her again. Either I harden the fuck up, or I lose her. I think I'm gonna harden the fuck up, who cares if she's got a boyfriend.
But even then. There's this girl Sammy. My friend Peter is setting us up on a sort of date (I honestly don't know what to call it). We'll see how it goes. Who knows, maybe she's great! I've talked to her over the phone, she's fun, but I don't know. There are some things that just don't match up well, but that just could be because we're over the phone, and we're both trying to impress each other, or something. Well, it won't hurt to try. What I fear though, is that this'll actually be more about Peter, like.. she'll be way more interested in her than she would be to me, leaving me to be the awkward man out again. I envy Peter's smoothness, I'll have to give it to him, he's pretty good. She doesn't know me as well as Peter, and they both have this weird off and on relationship that's never serious, but always affectionate, and they're always joking with each other. This may be a trap, I may require the guidance of Admiral Ackbar, who is good at detecting traps. My ex says to avoid her, as she beleives Sammy to be an evil name, and that I'll have nothing in common with her. She's also being fingered aggresively by a jew right now.
I've got girls left and right who are all 'Could be's' or 'Maybe's', I just can't fucking decide. It's been like that for as long as I can remember.
Gotta keep my connections strong, going to have to call some old friends, get in touch with them.
Anyways yeah
. Protest is coming up.
If the last protest taught us anything, it's that we're growing. We thought we'd have less of a tournout, when we actually doubled. People seem to be flooding in left and right. It's both good and bad. When there's that many people, it just sounds like an angry beehive. Hard to get your message across.
It's hard to get these assholes to spread out though, they seem to like all stick on one bunch. It'll be hard when there's 240 of us though, I'll get them to spread out this time.
I think you do, I think you're with me when I say that games nowadays are lacking the fun element.
My first console was a sega genesis, then I moved on to PC gaming and got consoles on the side. Back then, no one gave a shit. People made games, people took their ideas, and they made them. They didn't worry about pleasing people. Once marketing gets in a medium, it becomes a people pleasing operation. Just like movies are today. So many movies are terrible, it's hard to find good ones. I think I've seen one good movie out of 30 over the past year.
A good game shouldn't be able to be compared to other games. You shouldn't be able to say 'Like GTA, but...' I'm sick of clones, I'm sick of the same old crap being churned out over and over again. I'm sick of games being dumbed down so that people with no patience and mental power can play them (Take oblivion for example. Remember how awesome morrowind was? Remember how cheap oblivion felt? Yeah, that's exactly what I'm talking about)
Spore's a good one. Spore's been in production for forever. It's a rather genius idea really, a game where you play god in a very literal aspect. You start off with a single cell organism, which eventually evolves, over many stages, to a complex, sentient creature which is capable of civilization. Then, you continue to develop the creatures society and planet until it masters space travel. The game just continues to zoom out from there, making it more and more complex, with each level being possible to revisit.
Ofcourse, it would be that awesome, if EA wasn't fucking producing it. Poor Will Wright can't get his idea out exactly as he wants it, because EA's gotta get its greedy fucking paws in it. Spore can't just come out on the PC, it's gotta come out on the Wii, Xbox 360, PS3, Cell Phone, Pocket PC, DS, and Conventional Oven.
That's not to say there aren't good games out there. Every once in a while, someone'll make something that -isn't- hyped to shit (See: Two Worlds, Mass Effect), and -is- worth playing. This usually happens when heaps and mounds of money aren't involved (See: Audio Surf, Shadow of the Colossus, Decimation). I've always like independent or hobbyist developers. I've always had more fun with mods than actual games.
There are only two massive electronic companies I trust, one of which being a game company. Valve, and Google.
Share your views. Are there good games out there that are new? Are we forever going to spiral into crap, and turn into what the movie industry is now? Does your conventional oven have the right specs to play Spore?
------------------------------------------- Personal Shit \/\/\/\/\/
Time seems to be catching up on me, and by catching up, I mean cornering me in an alley and punching me in the gut a few times before taking my walet and maxing out my credit card.
School's coming to a close, and I'm already getting ready to move again. I'll be off to Warren, which is just street after street of strip malls. The town has no culture, nothing exciting. Atleast it's close to every -other- city.
I'm in danger of failing highschool. I've got correspondence courses to do, and I have to take an adult ed class of some sort if I'm to get my highschool diploma. Everyone's slipping by me, opportunities are missed left and right.
Take Erica for example. Beautiful girl, absolutely wonderful to talk to. Creative, goofy, and incredibly kind. I've known her for 3 years, we've always been close, but I've never had the balls to take her. She always ends up with bad, or mediocre boyfriends.. and now I'm moving away and I won't see her again. Either I harden the fuck up, or I lose her. I think I'm gonna harden the fuck up, who cares if she's got a boyfriend.
But even then. There's this girl Sammy. My friend Peter is setting us up on a sort of date (I honestly don't know what to call it). We'll see how it goes. Who knows, maybe she's great! I've talked to her over the phone, she's fun, but I don't know. There are some things that just don't match up well, but that just could be because we're over the phone, and we're both trying to impress each other, or something. Well, it won't hurt to try. What I fear though, is that this'll actually be more about Peter, like.. she'll be way more interested in her than she would be to me, leaving me to be the awkward man out again. I envy Peter's smoothness, I'll have to give it to him, he's pretty good. She doesn't know me as well as Peter, and they both have this weird off and on relationship that's never serious, but always affectionate, and they're always joking with each other. This may be a trap, I may require the guidance of Admiral Ackbar, who is good at detecting traps. My ex says to avoid her, as she beleives Sammy to be an evil name, and that I'll have nothing in common with her. She's also being fingered aggresively by a jew right now.
I've got girls left and right who are all 'Could be's' or 'Maybe's', I just can't fucking decide. It's been like that for as long as I can remember.
Gotta keep my connections strong, going to have to call some old friends, get in touch with them.
Anyways yeah
. Protest is coming up.
If the last protest taught us anything, it's that we're growing. We thought we'd have less of a tournout, when we actually doubled. People seem to be flooding in left and right. It's both good and bad. When there's that many people, it just sounds like an angry beehive. Hard to get your message across.
It's hard to get these assholes to spread out though, they seem to like all stick on one bunch. It'll be hard when there's 240 of us though, I'll get them to spread out this time.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Starting a CS:S server? Read this first.
I decided to get into CS:S (Counterstrike: Source) again, as alot of my friends play it. Usually, we play on a pretty reliable server, one that's clean and efficient and has one really nice gg gametype. (GG = Gun Game. A respawn version of CS where you gain levels by killing people, and therefore getting new guns.)
However, I don't sleep nearly as much as my friends do, so when I wake up at 7am in the morning, and I get an itch that only CS:S can scratch, I'm forced to roam the land of unknown servers.
I have a message, for anyone who wants to start a server on CS:S...
IF YOU AREN'T GOING TO USE THE 57 DIFFERENT RANDOM SOUND FILES YOU PUT IN THE SERVER, THAN DON'T FORCE ME TO WASTE 6 MINUTES OF MY LIFE DOWNLOADING THINGS THAT I WILL NEVER HEAR.
On second thought, how about we leave FPS Doug laughing maniacally out of the match all together. Yes... BOOM HEADSHOT is funny... for the first 5 times. But once you get into the triple digit range, his high energy squirrelly voice really can be quite aggravating. The people who still -do- think it's funny... well... this is CS:S, so I wouldn't put that past them. CS:S is known for having some of the dumbest people (probably at par with Halo 2 and WoW. BF2 makes an honourable mention for this, however only because the players there are accident prone, and generally completely oblivious to their surroundings.)
Would it also be too much to ask to leave ENTIRE SONGS out of the startup/MOTD sound? It's a little aggravating having to listen to gangsta rap every time the map changes. Not even good gangsta rap either (not that there is such a thing)
Oh and one last thing... stay the hell out of ka_ maps. They change your knives to hockey sticks.
However, I don't sleep nearly as much as my friends do, so when I wake up at 7am in the morning, and I get an itch that only CS:S can scratch, I'm forced to roam the land of unknown servers.
I have a message, for anyone who wants to start a server on CS:S...
IF YOU AREN'T GOING TO USE THE 57 DIFFERENT RANDOM SOUND FILES YOU PUT IN THE SERVER, THAN DON'T FORCE ME TO WASTE 6 MINUTES OF MY LIFE DOWNLOADING THINGS THAT I WILL NEVER HEAR.
On second thought, how about we leave FPS Doug laughing maniacally out of the match all together. Yes... BOOM HEADSHOT is funny... for the first 5 times. But once you get into the triple digit range, his high energy squirrelly voice really can be quite aggravating. The people who still -do- think it's funny... well... this is CS:S, so I wouldn't put that past them. CS:S is known for having some of the dumbest people (probably at par with Halo 2 and WoW. BF2 makes an honourable mention for this, however only because the players there are accident prone, and generally completely oblivious to their surroundings.)
Would it also be too much to ask to leave ENTIRE SONGS out of the startup/MOTD sound? It's a little aggravating having to listen to gangsta rap every time the map changes. Not even good gangsta rap either (not that there is such a thing)
Oh and one last thing... stay the hell out of ka_ maps. They change your knives to hockey sticks.
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