Insomnia again.

Seems I've caught the insomnia bug again. It's 3am right now, and I'm still up. Spent the night playing Spore and Counter-Strike to pass the time. I think all this excess wakefulness is due to the fact that I have nothing to do.

I seem to have a messed up sleep clock, so I naturally stay awake for a long period of time and sleep for a long period of time, screwing up my schedule.

I need to get out of this damn town, this shitty one horse hick town. There's no one here, no one worthy enough of my time (as arrogant as that sounds). Professor of Philosophy Louis Mackey put it well.

"the gap between say Plato or Nietzsche and the average human is greater than the gap between that chimpanzee and the average human. The realm of the real spirit, the true artist, the saint, the philosopher, is rarely achieved. Why so few? Why is world history and evolution not stories of progress but rather this endless and futile addition of zeroes? No greater values have developed. Hell, the Greeks years ago were just as advanced as we are. So what are these barriers that keep people from reaching anywhere near their real potential? The answer to that can be found in another question, and that's this:

Which is the most universal human characteristic--
fear or laziness?"

I find myself in the zero category, yet I do not see any sort of road to a 'greater value'. How can one reach their full potential without truly knowing what that potential is? If it'll put my mind at ease, at least I'm ahead of the pack, at least I know that I am nothing, with the potential to be greater. These next few years I will have to discover that.

I am plagued with being a jack of all trades, I am -very- good at a lot of things, but nothing that can be combined to form a sort of 'career'. I sometimes wish I were dumber than I am because maybe the answers would come easier, if that makes any sense. I spend too much time self-analyzing, doing things cautiously. I think my greatest fear is doing something well, but missing out on my true purpose and potential.

In fact, I should stop being cautious altogether, because so far it's gotten me nowhere. I've missed so many opportunities and ruined so many scenarios. I should be careful not to be impulsive, if my mother is any clue. My dad is all theory and no action, while my mother is all action and no theory.

----

The cat showed up again tonight. It's looking a little better, it isn't gagging and sneezing every 5 seconds. It rubbed against my leg and purred very loudly for about 5 minutes. I dare not touch it though.

I need to find some gloves for this costume, perhaps a bandoleer to finish it off.

So bored.

That cat showed up again. It left a dead quail on my doorstep. I didn't see the cat, but I know it brought the bird. It appears I have a devoted fan.




God, I hate the country. Sure there's people here, but all they want to do is fix cars and go four wheeling. All I've been doing is playing video games and chatting online. I'm getting kind of lonely.

Hopefully, this party that this chick invited me to at the mall will work out. 15 people, should be fun.

Sucks leaving all of your friends behind, but I'll get over it, I've done it before, there's no reason why I can't do it again. No, I'm not making shout outs.

I gotta get a GED, and a drivers license and a job, but it doesn't look like the three of them will happen any time soon. We'll just have to see what happens at this party, I'm wearing a post-apoc soldier costume, so that should be good.

What the hell is Indian Twister anyways?

Poor Cat

I hate most people, but I've got a soft spot for animals. No, I eat them, I love eating them, but if a cat shows up at my door I'll probably give it some food. I never bring them in the house though.

So it's late, and I've decided to step out and have a smoke before I go to bed, when I notice this cat sleeping on my porch. I go up and pet it until I notice a crust around it's eyes and nose... probably a good idea to stop petting it.

Expecting it to run away, I walk away slowly, but it follows me, meowing in the -saddest- way I've ever heard a cat meow. I quickly open the door and go inside, shutting it behind me in fear of catching whatever disease it had... hey we've all seen movies.

Rather than being heartless though, I bring out a dish of water and set it down at the far end of the porch (insuring it won't come near me). It coughs and sniffles for a moment before going up to the dish and getting a hearty drink, stopping every once in a while to take a few labored breaths. I go back inside and start ripping up pieces of lunch meat to put on a plate before looking up cat diseases online. Okay, so this cat can't give me anything (at least that I know of) so I probably shouldn't be too afraid. The cat's outside right now as I write this.

I keep checking on the animal and it's -still- eating. It's finished the meat plate already and all of the water. I'm now going to refill the water dish and get it more food, geez this cat can eat.

----

Two more dishes and one more bowl of water later the cat's stopped eating. It's white with a gray stripe running down the top of his head, very small... almost too skinny. I wish I could bring it inside, but there's no way my dad or uncle would let that happen (they'd probably laugh at me). I think I'll just leave it to sleep outside. Who knows what will happen later.

I need to find something to do, I'm sick of sitting inside all day playing video games and watching TV. I'm so sick of applying for jobs, no one seems to be hiring. If I get a job, everything will fall into place. I can get my GED, I can get my car running, I can -move- to somewhere other than Benton City (I hate this town), maybe even get to Seattle. I miss the city, there's no one interesting here in this hick town.

I never thought I'd say this, but I miss Michigan.